The Spiritual Supermarket #1

Emotional Blockage Release Treatment

Costs: 1000Rp (€14)
Duration: 1 hour or a bit more if you’re badly blocked 🙂
By whom: an Indian guru named Vipin
Where: anywhere you like, as long as there is some privacy so you can cry or swear out loud
Evaluation of effectiveness: definitely value for money, score 8 out of 10
Evaluation of craziness: wow, you need to be quite open-minded for this one, score 6 out of 10

As you might have read in my last post, I had some difficulties getting in touch with my emotions. Very strange for an emotional person like me. But, the best part about the problem was that I was in the best place to find a solution. If you are in the middle of the spiritual supermarket, you can get anything you like. “How about an Emotional Release Session?” Lyn recommended one to me even though I had not told her about my not-being-in-touch-issues. Ah well, I might as well give it a try. It might help me to land, since I had some difficulties with that too… I was in the most rational critical and sceptical state of mind. I did not feel like going with the magical Indian flow AT ALL. So what could possibly happen? There was definitely nothing to lose and I was totally in control. Let’s do this.

I went for my first treatment to Basho and was introduced to my man on a mission: Vipin. He totally looked like an Indian guru with his white kaftan, long hair and beard: “I will take your pain and give you freedom”. I was not in pain, there were no emotional difficulties whatsoever and if he would give me pain, I was totally able to deal with it, even though Lyn and friends had mentioned that it was a pain like no pain you ever felt before. I mean, how bad could it be, it was not like I was going to have a baby so it should be fine. Okay, I have to admit, I am acting cool now, I was a little scared because of the pain-horror-stories but since expectations are killing, I should just find out for myself how this would go.

So there we were, Vipin and me, in a Shala in the back of the Guesthouse. “You lie down please”. Okay, this was where the magic was supposed to happen, on a thin mattrass on the sandy floor. No emotional problems. Yes a few things had happened to me in the previous year but they were all covered and totally felt, embraced and chewed up. And gone, most importantly. So there was not much to release really.

You are probably wondering what the treatment is about by now. Well, to make a long story short, he stands on you and then you get angry or sad and you cry. And you let it all out. And after that you feel relieved and free. That’s it. Oh and you’ve got big bruises 🙂 Offcours its more than that and I am totally not fully recognizing what it really is about, but this description is just to give you an idea. The philosophy behind it states that emotions that you try to push away because you don’t want to feel them, are held in your body somewhere and become a blockage. At that point, the energy meridians are not flowing anymore and that can cause trouble. So if you have pain in your neck, it might have its origine in your leg because you did not express your anger towards your neighbour who has been annoying you for a while. Just an example, definitely not about me. As you know, I totally feel this whole idea. I think our western idea of illness (on a mental and physical level) and dis-ease is narrow-minded and I welcome the eastern ideas about being healthy and staying healthy. To me they are a beautiful supplement and sometimes even better than what my doctor would prescribe me. I am not saying that this is any better or whatsoever, I only know it works for me.

So there I was, with Vipin intensely pushing his foot on my calf and me almost screaming because the pain was so intense. “Just breath, from your mouth”, he replied. And right at that moment where I found myself ready to grap his calf to get back at him, he eased my pain by sitting next to me, stroking my head and telling me that I was “only body, no mind”. It was crazy. With him beside me, the pain left my body quickly and after asking me if I was okay, he moved on. “Not so much anger in your body but many many heartbreaks”. I laughed out loud. I know, there was nothing new about that. “You had period with too much stress at work, right?”. “You were on stage performing when you were teenager, right?”. Yes I was, he was right again. He asked me to walk around the shala. “Your right leg very tight, you think about masculine energy a lot.” I was laughing again, even though I was not sure if he meant what I thought he did. And no, he did not mean that I was thinking about guys a lot, even though that wasn’t untrue either, he meant that I was on the active stroll of life. Heavy energy, doing instead of being or feeling, on the move without relaxing. Not so feminine. Hmm, yes, there he had a point too. Then he took my hand and observed it extensively. “Hold your hand straight. Not like this. Hold it! Fingers together!”. And there it was: “You worry about money. You think about it too much. You are saving money and this is metaphore for anything else in your life. Your heart is closed because of this. Why you scared?”. Fuck. Sorry but my ego came alive at this particular moment of the treatment: I AM NOT HOLDING ON NOR SAVING MY MONEY. Yes, he was right, again. All I had been thinking about in the past few days was “How am I going to make it through these 6 months abroad without earning money?”. I was worried about it and I had not found my solution yet so yes, I was saving. And to be really thruthfull, I had been like this on many of my previous trips. Saving gives you the feeling that you are in control and that you get to do as much as you possibly can with the least amount of money. No-one had ever said this before, but I was happy that finally someone told me to stop this. “You are rich, why would you worry about money?”. I could have answered with plenty of excuses, but I wanted to be honest. The bearded man was right and it was time to get stuff flowing.

I have to admit that I was sceptical about the whole treatment, while enduring it and afterwards. My critical voice had taken a comfortable seat in the back of my mind and was with me to comment on everything the whole time. “Offcours I am thinking about guys, he only knows this since I just told him that I am single”. “I dont know anyone who did not have a stressful period at work, he can say this to anyone”. “I just told him I am Dutch, and saving money and being stingy is what we do”. “Which teenager did not perform on stage when he was in High School? Don’t they all?”. But I also felt better after the treatment. There were a few tears, I cursed at him and told him I did not like him and we laughed also. He seemed very enlightened to me, he was not taking himself or anything else too seriously and I was happy to hear his life-story. And he really seemed to be a genuine guy. For some reason, my intuition told me that this was all good and I could trust him.

The night after I had an extremely vivid dream: I saw a Dutch well-known comedian who was about to commit suicide, his heart was hanging out of his chest and I felt the urge to help him (where I would normally be anxious and walk off quickly). He accepted my help, we had a talk and a laugh and it was all good. I woke up from this dream, what I would normally have considered and felt a nightmare, and felt at peace. Totally. I was surprised and amazed and the heart-part of the story made sense. And after all, I clearly had opened my heart as well to help him. It was a new sensation and I was happy to wake up with this ease in my body.

A week later I was on the beach with friends. I felt incredibly happy and open, I was in touch with my own feelings and the people around me. And then I ran into Vinod. He looked at me and told me that my aura was beautiful and that I looked way happier than the week before. I had another treatment that day and even though I was not so very aware of all of this, he was right. I felt a LOT better. I told him that I felt that the yoga and creative writing had a major contribution on this transformation and he just smiled. It was all good. His feet were on my back legs again when this time I had the nerve to tell him that I hated him. “Just breath. You are only body, no mind”. He read my other hand and told me that I was not going to settle anytime soon but that he did see a marriage-line. I decided to do one more treatment, since I had been able to shush the critical voice in the back of my mind and I could totally throw myself in there now. It was intense. I could fully release and let go. I didn’t know what it was, it didn’t know where it came from, it just felt good to let it be and let it go. “You are only body, no mind”. He wanted to speak a bit more this time and told me that it was about time for me to stop thinking. All the ideas, all the judgements, all the shoulds for instance about love and relationships were killing me. “Stop making ideas Anna, cause God will kill them anyway”. I know this was my problem. Ideas are anchors, they’re like directions and can give you the structure you need whenever only “being” is getting to you. And just like everyone else I love my anchors, but at the same time they restrict you. And it’s all about balance, again, as always. It made a lot of sense actually, all of it, and I felt thankful for all the pain he caused in the past few days, the inspiration I got out of it and the interesting things he mentioned. And most important: I felt like myself again: connected and in touch.

After the last treatment ended, I walked out of the shala, quietly, since I was so full of the experience. I gave my friends a hug filled with love, ordered my food and sat down to wait for my meal. Aman, the owner of Basho, turned the music on. Loud. Dance music. I wasn’t even thinking, my body got out of the chair before I even knew it. I danced my way to the sandy area and let the music move me. The release that I felt and the freedom that came with it was amazing. I could move in any way, without any thoughts or restrictions. I felt not only free, but intense happy as well. This was the most ecstatic dance ever. As the music went on and the speakers repeatedly sang to me “Everybody is free, feel good”, I knew I was where I needed to be. Full on, in the moment. I was only body, I was no more mind.

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